My dad is 83 years old. He’s been a fireman, a sailor, a salesman, a business owner, a mechanic, a newspaper boy, a carney, a kitchen designer, a navigator and a race car driver. He was old enough to be selling newspapers to Americans on V-Day 1945 and he’s young enough to have sailed a boat to Cuba just last year.
He’s a die-hard roadie, doesn’t go to church much, eats bad food, watches Fox-news until 2 am most nights and loves Jimmy Buffett. He is a character and I love him!
Last week he ended up in the hospital, exhausted with pneumonia. Maybe the late nights and the travel have gotten to him. Looking after himself isn’t one of his many strong suits. God heard the many powerful prayers that went up and has, thankfully, given him some more time on this earth. In short, he has had a miraculous healing!
I went down to see Dad this week, which got me thinking about all the little nuggets of wisdom I’ve gleaned from him over the years. Dad likes a good grin and isn’t afraid to tell a saucy joke more than once. He’s tickled with his own wit, which makes the delivery that much more enjoyable. Half the fun of his jokes comes in that little clever chuckle he gives while he’s telling!
I’ve begun a collection of his favorite quips I’d like to share with you.
Caution! Not all of his wisdom is PC!
- Young men have visions, old men have dreams.
- Everything in moderation, even moderation.
- The three laws of plumbing: 1. cold water goes on the right, 2. pay day is on Friday, and 3. sh*t always flows downhill.
- He quotes Groucho Marx: If I had known I was going to live this long, I would’ve taken better care of myself.
- He quotes W.C. Fields: “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink because when they wake up in the morning, that’s the best they’re ever going to feel all day.”
- Another favorite of his: What do a tornado and a red neck divorce have in common? Either way, you lose the trailer.
- What do you get when you have 32 carneys together in the same room? A full set of teeth.
- Youth is lost on the young.
There’s more, but I can’t repeat them here! Sometimes he can get a little bawdy with the humor and he knows I like to keep it PG, but he tells ’em anyway just to see me blush!
I am feeling thankful this night knowing he’s okay and knowing I’ve got more time to add to my collection.